Tiger Woods

Dear Tiger,

You do not have to apologize to me for your past infidelities. It's all fine with me as long as you play well in future golf tournaments, as what happened between you and Erin was a private matter and should have stayed that way, save the neighbor of yours that took it upon himself to dial 911, without giving it a second thought of the media debacle that would surely ensue. The PGA needs you. Erin doesn't. Simply inform that pupule Erin to take her $55 million prenuptial bonanza with her, and that she should get the heck out of your life, forever. With a fist pump. Foremost, had you been a lowly caddie on the PGA Tour, instead of a super star in the sporting world, Erin would never have spoken to you, much less married you. Before you married Erin, you were screwing every female that begged you on bended knees to autograph their butts. That's the life for you, and sex therapy won't cure your addiction, with perhaps, the exception that all your therapists are females in observance of doctor-patient privileges. It's only a matter of time before you'll revert back to the cheater that you always were. Look at it this way, if Erin didn't realize that you were screwing other women behind her back well before your 200th extramarital affair, she's one real stupid woman and a sure sign that you'll only end up having stupid kids to boot.

Yours truly,

RONW